Anger and tranquility
by LadyRavenwing
Summary: One shot: My take on what happened in the final moments of "The Last Jedi". SPOILERS!


**Author´s note: If you have not yet watched „The last Jedi" and wish not to be spoilered, be warned: This one shot does just that. For all others or those who don´t mind: enjoy. This little fic is something that sort of wrote itself in my attempt to interpret the events at the end of the movie.**

 **Anger and tranquility**

He had gotten used to the storms. He had grown to accept and welcome the harshness of the island as a reflection of his own inner turmoil in the very place of his own failure. He had thought it only fitting for him to stay here, a recluse, forever battling the shadows of his own past. But as it had turned out even that had not been enough to redeem himself. Fate had kept the cruelties coming and the more washed up upon the island´s rocky shores, the bigger the extent of his failure had revealed itself to be. The girl, Rey, so stubborn in her own ways and so fiercely independent yet so irngorant of the ways of the Force that had reminded him not only that he had left his sister behind after taking her son from her… but who had arrived piloting the very ship right out of his memories. From those now long bygone days of adventure and hope. And she had only broken his fragile heart all over again. Not only had her own naivite been an echo of his own first clumsy attempts of the Jedi ways, but she had brought yet another ghost with her, one more life to be added to his long list of bad decisions. Han was dead. And Ben had killed him. Ben who he had failed.

He had tried to die even before the girl had arrived. Several times. When the storms were particularly wild he had more than once stood at the edge of the cliffs, the wind tearing on his robes and whispering harsh truths to him, the rain whipping at him and suggesting how easy it would be … but he had been a coward. Once he had cast himself off, only for his survival instinct to kick in and save his life. The Force channelled through his veins and every cell of his body that refused to let go of this heavy mortal coil had pushed him back from the brink, pushing him down hard on the soaked, storm battered ground. Even the Force had betrayed him.

More tha once he had considered finding his end in the old Jedi temple. Setting flame to it and just staying – going up in flame together with what dusty books remained of the jedi. But that, too, had proven something he had not been capable of. There was still that last doubt, a last trace of melancholy despite all the anger he felt towards those old, failed masters who had aided in the rise of his father, that it was not his place to wipe out what their forebears had built. That he was not even worthy of that. Yoda of course had proven in the end that it was a ridiculous thought alltogether, that old books were not all that were what the Jedi once had been.

Hope, he felt, had vanished but not without one last cruel spark being kindled in the shape of that young woman. For a moment, a small, graceful moment, after pushing her away, he had almost believed that it was possible to do things right this time. But he had seen in her the same conflict, the same potential to tip the Balance for the worse that he had sensed in young Solo. He had withdrawn in fear, his soul scorched. Why, he wondered, would the universe be that cruel? Why would it mock him so? And thus he had continued his lonely road of disconnecting himself from the Force, denying himself even of the stream of life and warmth and light that had been with him ever since he had first perceived it all those years ago. And when it was done he had felt disconnected, unable to feel the thrum of life and death around him, that fragile, natural Balance that was everywhere and that kept the atoms of the galaxy together, that ever moving, ever shifting, ever vibrant wheel of come and go, of light and dark. He had rejected it, detached his body and soul from it, had pushed himself to the very limit of pulling himself from the stream it created in a Jedi´s mind. He had hoped that like that, death would come to him more easily.

But something else had come. When he was ready to even forsake death and just wait for time to wear his body down, he had remembered something he had found aboard the Falcon before Rey had left. Small, golden, a little trinket, a cheap good luck charm, nothing that was really worth a lot, but it had reminded him of a different time. It had reminded him that there were others, others who not only counted on him, but who had enough life force left in them to chance their luck on charms. To believe in things unseen. He had been sitting on that rock overlooking the ocean to the north, twisting the little thing in his hand, thinking.

Leia.

Ben.

Han.

Rey.

All the souls that he had failed. More he would fail if he got involved in this all over again. More would find their death if he returned to those old, useless wars.

"I do not remember you so hesitant Luke. There was once a spark in you that I myself both admired and dreaded."

He turned around quickly, startled by the voice that was so familiar even though he had not heard it in a long while. The man … the imprint of a man … a Force ghost.. stood a few paces away with his typical sardonic smile, his arms crossed lightly in front of his chest, dressed in the very robes of a bygone age.

"Ben." He noticed a mix of surprised and anger in his voice. One word and yet so much conveyed in it. _Leave me alon_ it said, accompanied by a reluctant yet distinct mental push, a Jedi thing he had done countless of times. Repelling. But his mental efforts met nothing. Not even air. The Force was no longer running through him. He had forsaken it, was disconnected from the stream. And in that moment, seeing his old friend made him feel even more bitter, because he was indeed only an image, a projection and where he had once been able to feel a Force ghost´s life force as a thin but present, individual thread running between souls there now was … nothing.

"You are leading a reclused life indeed." It seemed as if Ben Kenobi had put the other man´s disconnectedness into words that were both a statement and a sad reproach.

"It is better that way." He turned around again, running his fingers along the small golden dice. "I am no longer a part of this."

"I can tell. And I know why." Ben said and Luke could see the blueish shape step up next to him, his gaze directed at the ocean.

"How can you know?" The question was almost a bark, anger at the old man or whatever he was now, for trying to symathise.

Ben Kenobi kept silent. Looked out at the ocean. Then something happened to his shape which made Luke look despite of himself. The ghost became.. less transparent. The blueish hue left and after a moment he looked … like he lived. And more happened. The old man´s features changed, his hair lost its whiteness to give way to a reddish blond, his eyes became even more keen, his skin lost the wrinkles and marks of time, even though a certain sadness in the man´s eyes stayed.

"How are you doing this?" Luke asked, feeling his voice tremble.

"It only works for a little while." Ben said. "When one is one with the Force, one learns of its true nature. Of all the possibilities and this is but one. Even though this… drains even my non-physical self."

Luke stared at the man – no longer old. He looked maybe thirty-five. Younger than him. He stayed silent.

"This is what I looked like." Ben continued, apparently not expecting a reaction. "I was both young and old on that fateful day when I lost your father forever. When we fought and I had to realise that he betrayed us fully. Only years later I realised it was also I who had failed him."

"That makes two of us." Luke said. "and you know this is why I am not involved with this any more. Not with any of it." And yet, there was that longing, that allure of the Force he could no longer feel yet yearned for. In all those years it had been running through him like a warming life force it was, leaving him cold and disconnected from all there was when he had cut the bond to it. "I cannot go back to it. There is no way."

"Oh but there is." The younger Ben Kenobi said…Obi Wan, he corrected himself. When he had looked like that he had been Obi Wan. Not yet Ben. Not yet broken. "The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. I told you that once. It gives him his strength. You may feel like you are lost to it now, but you can never fully forsake it. It is in you. Around you. In every cell of your body, Luke. My presence here, the fact that you can see me, is enough of a proof."

"Well I don´t feel it." He said, bitterly. "the times I did didn´t end well for anybody." 

Now the younger Obi Wan raised his eyebrow, placing his palms on his knees. "And now it does? You drove the girl away. She will return to the others and be alone and without guidance. We both know what happens to those strong in the Force when they are not guided. We have both seen it."

He jumped to his feet, eyes on fire. "And we have both seen what happens when they are guided. When they are manipulated. We have both failed, Master Jedi. We have both pushed the Force off balance!"

"Or maybe the Force willed it that way." Despite the naive sound of his words, Obi Wan sounded anything but. "Sometimes we need to just do what feels right, Luke. We just need to let destiny run ist course and not fight it. The Balance comes out of peace, my friend. It has taken me a long time to realise that."

He couldn´t say anything. He had to avert his gaze. _What feels right? What feels unavoidable?_ Ben … Obi Wan, the one that still had hope, stayed silent for a long while, patiently.

"I am so cold…" Luke eventually heard himself say. "Even if I wanted to, there would be no way back. The Force is dead in me. I forsook it so it forsook me. And there is no way to mend that bond." He looked back at the other man who was still looking so youthful, so brazenly youthful as if to remind him of his own age and as if to defy him all the same. He got a sense that young Obi Wan had been quite a force to reckon with.

"I have come to help you." Obi Wan said. "It may be a selfish thing but I feel this is what is right in the ways of the Force. If I can lead one back onto the right track then not all is lost. It is selfish, I know, but you can still save them, Luke. You can save the girl. And you can save your sister."

"Leia…" He felt his resolve crumble, shook his head, dread suddenly overwhelming.

"Where is she now?"

Obi Wan kept silent, but maybe, just maybe, there was a little triumphant smile on his face. "You would be able to feel her through the Force." he said. "Not … see her, but feel her presence."

He hesitated.

"How?"

"Open your mind. Open it wide."

He was shaking. Everything about him, his mind and soul about to be undone he thought, about to break assunder, but then he felt Obi Wan´s hands on his shoulders. Felt them. How could he feel them? And then it was back. Back… wonderful warmth, wonderful light. Buzzing around him in the storm. He could feel the Force. Could feel it faintly in the shape opposite him , could feel it much, much stronger in the waves around that were teeming with life from microbic to large. A fish darting away to avoid the maws of a bigger one, a porg mother protectively scuttering on her nest. It was tempting…so tempting to dive into it head first.

"Slow…" Obi Wan´s voice was in his ears and his mind. A calming presence in a tempting stream. "You have been gone from it a long time. You need to calm your mind."

"Show me Leia."

„Feel for her, Luke."

And he plunged into the Force headlong.

It was unlike anything he had ever felt. His real self it felt was on the brink of being consumed and he willed his atoms together, _willed_ them to not drift apart in the blink of an eye. _**Willed**_ himself to stay himself. To stay Luke Skywalker.

You won´t be able to see her, just feel her, Obi Wan had said. But that was wrong. He did see her.

He found himself in a dusty cave, control boards long out of use and hastily brought back to life, people around bustling in panicky, dreaded energy. His sister sat at the side and still in the centre of all of it, an island of dignity in all of this. _Princess_. That was the only word that seemed befitting and yet far too small to capture her essence.

Princess.

Leader.

General.

Sister.

Twin.

The onslaught of the reality of it was so strong that it scared him. He could tell he was not physically present, did not even have a body, but maybe he could…maybe…. Confused, scared and yet so reassured he _pulled_ himself back from it all. _**Pulled**_ himself back into what he was. Where he was…. And was back on the island. Panting. On the ground. The storm was gone. The sky had cleared. The sunset was aproaching. He was panting hard as he got back on his knees, his right wrist aching from where he had bruised it against the rock.

"Unbelievable." Obi Wan was still there… more faint now, since this was indeed draining him. "Most remarkable." His old master´s words were almost whisper. "You are…very strong, Luke. But not … that strong. You are risking yourself."

He could feel a smile across his face, muscles moving in ways that felt unfamiliar after all the time. "I know what I have to do."

"It is impossible." The look on Obi Wan´s face was both incredulous and awed.

"I can join them." Luke´s voice was strong now. Impatient. Oh how long he had not felt that sort of impatience. "I can manifest myself and distract the First Order."

"They are half way across the galaxy, Luke." Obi Wan said. "I am not aware of any jedi ever having achieved this. It will drain you. It will wink out your very existence. It will erase you entirely from the Force."

He felt his smile go wider as he got up and sat down on the rock. In the distance the suns were getting ready to set. A binary sunset. Maybe an hour now… just one more hour. One more hour he could put to good use. He could still save them. It would drain him, but at least he could try to save them.

"I know." he said. „and this is why I need your help. You offered it and now I am asking for it, old friend."

When he closed his eyes, calmed his mind and plunged himself into the Force again, riding along on its power in the blink of an eye there was something else he felt.

 _Obi Wan´s presence so close to his, lending strength…_

… _And then another, joining as if called by his need, fainter at first, then growing in presence. A tainted presence but strong._ _ **My son**_ _….._

… _And another, a gentle spirit never free of a twinkle in his eyes…._ _ **Strong you have become. With you we are. All of us.**_

… _And yet another… A life full of regret and willful ignorance, but still strong in the ways of the Force… one that Obi Wan´s spirit greeted as an old master._

… _And more…_

… _And more…._

 _An endless chain of generations upon generations of Force spirits connecting, building, aiding… all the way back to the very origin of the Jedi order in a time that had no name._

 _ **The Force is with you… always.**_

 _Not words, but will. Spirit. Mind. Force…_

What came was peace.

Tranquility.

He never been more certain of anything in his life. Whether his sister felt his true nature he could not tell. Whether they understood that the powerful figure that withstood all the fire Kylo Ren flung at was a projection, he was not able to grasp. But in that last confrontation he felt no anger.

No bitterness.

No fear.

No dread.

And when his spirit returned, fully at peace with all that had been, reassured that they had escaped and that the hope that had winked out had been rekindled, all he felt was peace. Calm. The Force was him and he was the Force. More powerful, he realised, than any had ever been. More powerful than Obi Wan. More powerful than his father. More powerful than the Emperor or any who had ever attempted to use the Force for perceived Good or for Evil. He had projected his self across the galaxy, he had truly become the last of the old Jedi. And the most powerful by far.

 _At last_... was Luke Skywalker´s last thought and his last emotion when he allowed his atoms to drift apart, to join the warmth and peace of that stream of pure consciousness that was the Force. That was … _Balance._


End file.
